On an Even Keel

Well, I thought I was until my conversation with James this evening.

I have no other terms for my current state other than "discombobulated". And since I love that word and it's just so descriptive, I feel it best verbalizes how I have been doing.

My friend Lellie in Birmingham really verbalized that I would feel "spacey, frustrated and out of place". Michelle advised me that it would be OKAY to have the emotions I would be having and to recognize and accept them. My co-worker Janet said that they would come at me out of the blue. And everyone is right.

Take this morning for instance. If my morning is not on its normal routine, then my day is pretty much not going to turn out its sunshiney happy best. This morning, I forgot to turn off the coffeemaker AND iron so of course, during my first hour of training session all I can do is fret that the house will be a pile of rubble with a singed cat standing beside it with a VERY pissed off look. I just felt out of sorts all day - it's like my synapse for brain function has not been snapping-to-it. And since I like my day quite orderly and composed, it's been unsettling for me.

And I continue to get words of love from my friends. Which, if I haven't said it or e-mailed it to you: "It's been testimony to what a great group of people I've surrounded myself with." It's really true. I've been touched by everyone who has checked in on me. Because I've really needed it, when I didn't think I did.

And my parting words this evening - which left me quite teary-eyed comes from my friend Joe, who shares my same birthday (however, he is younger than I am, not to mention more fit and healthy these days running and biking in marathons.) "There's not a whole lot that I know to say, but I hope that me saying I care about you and that I hope you're doing alright helps as much as it can. Your mom must have been a special person because she did one hell of a job raising you. And considering she wasn't you're biological mom, that means she was an even more amazing human being for showing someone that much love."

Thank you Joe. She was one hell of a person.