Helplessness

Have you ever been in a situation, and watched in horror a tragedy unfold before your very eyes, and not even be able to do anything about it? I am a "problem solver". I'm not good with concepts, but more to the point of "let's just fix it". I am traumatized by my inability for action oftentimes than by the situation itself.

As I was going bike riding to Brushy Creek, I have to cross Parmer Lane eastwards, to go north/westwards. If you live in Austin, you know Parmer: trying to cross it can be like playing Frogger. You definitely don't want to be a pedestrian. Even cycling is dangerous. I came to the intersection where a cat had just been run over in the middle lane. Other cars were trying to avoid it, and some attempting to pull over. But it's Parmer, and it's dangerous to do that. This cat was a black, long haired beautiful one, surely one that belonged to an owner who would be missing it. The cat attempted to get up, but couldn't, and I do believe was hit again. In its attempt to make a run for the side of the road, it looked up at me, frightened, scared, and pitiful. That is the look I think that got to me. I couldn't even cross to the median, the cat was in my path, so I took a right, and made a u-turn at the next median section. The whole time I'm thinking "what can I do"? Get out of the car, try to dodge the cars, gather up the cat, take it where? I'm helpless. And I'm quite upset, crying as I pass by the cat watching it curl into itself, because I honestly do not know what I could do without endangering myself or others trying save the cat, even if it could be saved.

I met Ann at Brushy Creek, needless to say, my heart just wasn't in biking. We ended up walking instead which helped ease my heavy heart. I'm not sure why this affected me as much as it did. I'm not callous or insensitive, but I can be practical to know that there are times when there is nothing I can do. Therefore, it's not something to weigh heavily on my mind.

I returned home, almost wanting to take the long way, just to avoid the scene. But my morbid curiousity, hoping that someone would have taken care of the cat, won out. I even have to admit I cried as I reached my intersection. The cat was gone! I love Austin for its people who have concern & welfare of all things living. Someone did take care of the cat, so it didn't lay there in the middle of a busy expressway, unwanted, unloved, surely missed.

When I got home, I hugged my cat. Who, truthfully, seemed quite indifferent to my sadness. But maybe not, he's been right with me, currently next to me on the couch.